Top Ten ways to cheat this season.

How to win in junior football?

Given the passion, anger, and sheer ugliness that comes from some sidelines in junior football I thought I'd assist those who want to cheat, or those new to the game who think it would be nice to introduce their kids to football this year

Some are more overt than others. All have been seen or tried and tested by the author:)

And please let me know any others that work for you or against you:) And it's always the others isn't it.

Top Ten in no particularly order: (Number 7 is my favourite and you see it every week in Canberra.)

1. Ensure you have a linesman who ...well just cheats.



2. Play twelve on the field until the ref spots it and then apologise.

3. Play an older player and hope the other side doesn't know.

4. If the ref doesn't turn up, quickly get one of your club to ref,..and then cheat.

5. Make friends with the ref, chat to him or her before the game at half-time and at full-time. He may return this season.

6. Intimidate the other side. Threaten their key players. Violent conduct if neccessary. Amazing how being chased aggressively down the field by a guy willing to punch my head in after I'd scored a goal use to make me think twice about scoring another goal. Yep in a man's game, I was a coward:)

7. Stand behind the opposing goal, no matter the age of the goalie, although the younger the better. And just yell at the top of your voice for your team and cheer like crazy when the young kid lets a goal in. Very popular in Canberra!

8. In Futsal make sure if one of the other team doesn't turn up, get the other team to reduce their players, for the good of the game, but NEVER EVER agree when the other team are short.

9. If you are short a player in Futsal get an overage player to go in goal, and then bring him outfield at half-time. Especially good in very young games. (Tried and tested on Sunday this week. For the record the 10 year old thumped the ball from his own half past the seven year old goalie after just two seconds of playing out the field in the second half.) Coach denied any knowledge of players age.

10. With young Refs it is quite easy to influence them. Just interfere with their calls, generally guide them throughout the game and if they seem young, a little unsure, just be louder, more confident, than the other coach. Any indecision from the Ref, just go for it. Very friendly, very confident, very quick and you should be right.

11. oh and my favourite from the past. Referee was thrown into the river along with all his clothes after the local village side lost. Amazing what this does for the home record of the club in the next few weeks as the story quickly spreads through the town.